Overworked Mom takes week-long vacation away from family, incompetent husband left scrambling: ‘My partner hasn’t done […] laundry in 10 years’

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
May 28, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

This mother needed a vacation away from parenting, and we totally get it. Not only was she the primary caretaker of her three children, but also she was juggling virtually every household duty imaginable with her own part-time job. Objectively speaking, the division of labor within this household was wildly imbalanced, yet somehow, this woman's husband thinks differently. 

Sure, he works a full-time job and is technically the primary breadwinner of the family, but even so, you would think he would understand his wife's desire for a break during the week of her birthday. What's funniest, though, is that she didn't just want a break from her kids and from her household responsibilities. She wanted a break from her husband too. 

She planned a week-long vacation away from her family to be alone like the fully iconic queen she is, leaving her husband with absolutely no idea what to do. The man hadn't done laundry by himself in a decade. He didn't understand the kids' routine. He probably didn't even know they had a routine, which is telling enough that the division of responsibilities was far from equitable. Perhaps this could be a character-building experience for him. Good luck, sir! Really, good luck to the kids!

Keep scrolling below for the full story and for the best reactions from folks in the comments section. For more content like this, check out these parenting tweets! 

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  • 01
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  • 02
    AITA for wanting a week's vacation, alone, away from my partner and children? Me (32F) and my partner (37M) are in a disagreement. He thinks I'm selfish for considering this. I don't think I am. He suggested I post here to see what you all say.
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  • 03
    We have been together 12 years. My partner has two responsibilities in terms of the house. He walks the dogs in the morning and he goes to work full time (8-6). More often than not, he falls asleep at 8pm. He works in IT.
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  • 04
    We have three children (7, 4, 2) and I am fully responsible for their care, as well as every household duty, laundry, cooking, cleaning. I am a SAHM, but I am also self employed, so after I look after the children all day, I then work for a couple of hours on my laptop.
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  • 05
    My birthday is coming up. I asked my partner what he would think if I booked myself a vacation, for a week, on my birthday and went on my own. If he could use his PTO to take time off to look after and spend the week with our three children - taking them to school and taking care of the house.
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  • 06
    He told me I was selfish. "It's selfish to want to go on holiday for a week for my birthday?" He said yes.
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  • 07
    My partner hasn't done a load of laundry in the ten years. He cooks dinner 'occasionally' (2 x a month). He doesn't hoover, mop, or mow lawns. I get it, he's tired and he works full time, but I work too, and I don't feel appreciated. I just want a week where I don't have to placate a crying child, or stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else's good time while sacrificing my own.
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  • 08
    The last time I spent time away from the children/house was when we went out for dinner for his birthday in March (After they were asleep. I organised the babysitter). Oh, and my pap smear, which he tried to make me take the children too even though he was home.
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  • 09
    The holiday would be paid for entirely by me. He gets 28 days of PTO, not including bank holidays. Last year, he lost 12 PTO days because he didn't take them. (We're in the UK) AITA
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  • 10
    Sea_Rise_1907 13 hr. ago edited 2 hr. ago You're not a SAHM. You have a part time job. Your division of home labor is insanely unbalanced, and all of it falls to you.
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  • 11
    Of course your husband refuses to let you take a holiday, he'd have to actually lift a finger to parent his own children if you did.
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  • 12
    Please for your own sake book that holiday and inform him you will be going. Perhaps if he had to do a fraction of everything you'd done for years he'd finally see how unfair he's been to you. NTA, and some food for thought.
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  • 13
    WelshBogart 13 hr. ago I'm not sure you need a holiday as much as you need couples therapy tbh. This sounds like a hugely unfair set up and no wonder you are feeling so burned out.
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  • 14
    He's not pulling his weight at all here - sounds completely draining to be married to a partner who does so little and apparently is willing to do so little more (take your kids to an invasive medical test?! No thanks). I think you need to address that underlying issue.
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  • 15
    You're NTA for wanting the holiday but it's a symptom of a much bigger problem.
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  • 16
    rugbysd01 13 hr. ago NTA. But you're TA to yourself for letting him be a the last 10 years. Asleep by 8pm? ? Wake his ☐ up and help with the 3 kids.
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  • 17
    BreqsCousin 11 hr. ago Why is a parent with THREE small kids not taking all their leave? Either he has a very toxic work environment or he's deliberately avoiding you and the children.
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  • 18
    Suspicious_Light_190 OP 10 hr. ago His boss was actually quite angry with him that he didn't take all of his leave, and very lucky for us carried over 5 days (which was more than generous).
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  • 19
    Its the second year in a row that he's had a minimum of ten days left at the end of the year. That's two full weeks.
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  • 20
    To be honest, even if he's here, it's still the same if not more housework. It's frustrating that he won't take time off for parents evenings, school events like plays or teacher meetings.
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  • 21
    FlagCityDiva 13 hr. ago NTA There is nothing wrong about wanting time alone and being responsible for only yourself. In fact, it could be beneficial for everyone. When people burn out, it affects everyone around them.
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  • 22
    If your partner is adamant about a whole week, perhaps they'll be amenable to a three day weekend. I hope you get a much needed break.
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  • 23
    Suspicious_Light_190 OP . 12 hr. ago I think this might be a better compromise - asking for a long weekend, instead of a whole week - especially because (as someone above pointed out) it might not be fair to 2M for me to suddenly go away for such a long time when he's only little.
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